Those with a pulse heard that the 2013 American Music Awards were last Sunday.  Everyone seems to have an opinion about the show, so I thought I might as well jump into the fray, styled in an easy-to-read bullet-point format just for you.  Enjoy!


-Katy Perry opened the show in blockbuster fashion with her geisha-themed performance of her hit “Unconditionally.”  I consider Katy Perry a guilty pleasure; even as fun and talented as she seems to be, she is so kitchsy and campy that at times it’s hard for me to take her seriously.  However, I was more than impressed with the explosion of creativity she brought to her performance.  Katy wore a kimono and socks (which is twice as much as she usually wears) and she wore it beautifully, her makeup and hair were flawless.  Vocally she was so-so, but  there were so many other things to focus on that it didn’t really matter.  Points of interest:  Floating Japanese lanterns galore (thanks to all those elevated LED screens hanging above the stage), dancers with huge wave-shaped fans reminiscent of Hokusai’s “The Great Wave,”  and a disappearing act at the end.

-Justin Timberlake’s performance of “Drink You Away” BLEW me away.  Justin, replete with his guitar, a crowd of dancers, singers, and his band, The Tennessee Kids, sounded amazing, as expected.  Bluesy guitar and organ riffs, along with Justin and his suave and silky voice made me want to stand up and testify.  Points of interest: All of it.

BEST WIN:  Imagine Dragons winning Favorite Artist-Alternative Rock.  That is all.

MOST DISAPPOINTING AWARD RECIPIENT: Rihanna wins the Icon Award? Huh? An icon is defined as “a person or a thing regarded as a  representative symbol of something,” synonyms- idol, paragon, hero, heroine.  Ok. Let’s consider Rihanna for a moment.  She’s been famous for about five minutes.  All of her music sounds the same.  Not to mention, in 2009, Rihanna was assaulted by her then-boyfriend, singer Chris Brown, who later pled guilty to felony assault, and was bound to stay away from her by a restraining order.  Photographs of her battered face were released and were all over the web and the news.   She rekindled her relationship with him in 2012, but reports indicate they have separated again.  Is she really a paragon of the industry? A heroine? Is that the message they really want to send? Stepping off my soapbox now….

MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT:  Luke Bryan’s performance.  All of it. I can’t handle the  spray tanned, hair-gelled, booty-shaking, fake country music produced by the Nashville machine.  Rest in peace Hank.  I hope all of the turning over you’ve been doing in your grave hasn’t killed you all over again.

TONGUE-IN-CHEEK MOMENT THAT WASN’T LOST ON ME: Jaden Smith introducing Miley Cyrus’ performance…remember Miley’s foam-fingered twerking and gyrating debacle at the MTV Video Music Awards, and the pictures of Jaden and his famous family watching the performance with mouths agape showing up all over the information superhighway?  How funny is it that little Jaden introduced us to the….

WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE NIGHT: Miley Cyrus.  Hands down.  Is she serious or is this some kind of inside joke?  I didn’t quite understand the giant kitten lip-syncing on the screen behind her, crying diamonds at one point, and then sticking its tongue out and winking at the end (which seems to be a new Miley trademark).  The New York Daily News called it a “cat-astrophic performance” (see what they did there).  From her nasally voice, to the the cats on her “clothing,” to the jewelry that looked like swim floaties, it was all an enormous mess, and a downer to end the show.  Oh well.  She has solidified my theory that when famous people shave their heads, they lose their minds (see Britney Spears circa 2007).

BEST SURPRISE OF THE NIGHT: TLC performing “Waterfalls” with rapper Lil’ Mama playing the part of Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes.  T-Boz and Chilli, you’ve still got it.

Thanks for the entertainment, AMAs.

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